How do you spell tittylateing?

It took an advise columnist to solve my dilemma.

I sent a question to an advise blogger a while back. I should have waited for his answer before venturing to the on-line dating scene. I admire his honest answers and have become quite smitten with him. I told him I would like to find me a man as studly as he, and to give me the advise I sought. His byline reeks of his credentials as an Prominent Advisor...

"i am smart n i lik to give gud advise. let me hep yew."

Cletus McGillicuddy, sow holler, Tennessee US

After sharing a terrifying ordeal that he himself had with online dating, he offered me this advise:

"so enyhow ta maik uh long story short yew kin tell them thare fellers enythin ya wannna cuz everwon on the innernet lyes enyway."

My next day off of work is a week from this Saturday.

So tonight I am re-writing my profile for my online dating service. I need to get this done quickly if I am going to snag a date for my next day off work; that is just a week from this Saturday! I thought about the men that answered my ad in the first round of on-line dating. I went and re-read all those profiles to see if any one of them mentioned words like Daddy, Loser, Exhibitionist, Abhorrent, Swinish or Morally Depraved. Nope, ok, So where to start....

My pencils are sharpened, my paper is blank... Think!

Old Tagline Looking for someone to share a life with... Well this got me nowhere. I need something snappy, something ....powerful and eye catching. Steamy Leathered Lady Desires Bondage.... hmmmm, not a good start. Ok, THINK! What is it that men really want? Oh sure they toss around words like, Romantic, Candlelight, Stable, Intelligent, and Humorous; when they really mean WHAT?. Duh! I think I have it! The perfect on-line dating profile!

How do you spell tittylateing?

New Tagline: I am a Nymphomaniac!

Who am I looking for? I am looking for a man who's only quest in life is to have a great sex ...in bed, on the floor, in the shower, at the NASCAR races, in the garage, nowhere, noplace, no time is off limits! He must subscribe to all naughty "books of wisdom" and never read the articles! He must watch all the sports on T.V. and only talk of sports and his job in any conversation we have, ever! He must love red lace lingerie, black stiletto shoes, and fish-net stockings!

My turn-ons? I love a man who wears sloppy sweat-pants that shows the crack of the moon! Hairy chests and beer belly excite me! I find the sound of a beer can opening titillating! There's nothing more sexy to me than a man in old worn out boxer shorts, sitting in a recliner with a remote in one hand and a beer in the other! Belching and scratching stimulate me! Ball caps and greasy hair are the quintessential duo to take me over the edge of desire!

My hobbies? Cooking, sex, cleaning, sex, waiting hand and foot on my man, sex, raising other people's children, sex, repairing vehicles, sex, houses, sex, and appliances, sex, shoveling snow in the winter, sex, and mowing the lawn in the summer, sex, and I love bobble-head collections! Did I mention sex?

If you think I am the woman for you, tell me so! Until we meet... XOXO

I wonder if Cletus would approve?

and I am smiling....

love me later~tj