Does It Look Like A Vagina To You?

We'd overcome some very hard times together, she and I.

My daughter ran away at 16. "It's not you momma." she tried to assure me. "It's me. I wanna know more, see things, be free." I begged her to stay in school - graduate - become something. "I will momma, I will become me." So she left. To another state with a particular "boytoy" that I did not approve of. He was 21, out of prison, but on parole. He had just blown his parole, and my daughter had a car. Interesting timing for finding herself, I thought. It took 5 months before she faced the reality that she needed to come home. She had put herself in harms way and found the courage to tell me she was defeated, and she needed me. The police had found out about boytoys blown parole and she found herself alone early on, with a group of not so nice people. (Hmmm now just how in the world did they find that out I wonder? ) Her car was broke down. She had no money, and didn't want to "earn" any the way her new friends were "earning" thier money. I thank God often for her homecoming.

Time jumping.

Jump 2-1/2 years forward, and my daughter is married and pregnant. She decides she wants that diploma and goes to school everyday. I didn't push or prod. I just made the statement one day that she and hubby could live with me if she finished High School. I helped her when I was asked, and to my credit, never nagged her. I supported her, quietly. Well that child of mine walked across the stage that evening in June and took that diploma, held it over her head and screamed out, "I DID IT!" Her cheering section could have been heard in the next town for the noise we made for her. Her husband and son waited at the edge of the stage for her. There has never been a day in her life that she made me more proud to be her mother as she did that day, at that moment. I was the only one who knew what it took for her to get to that moment. I knew where she had been, and what she had lived through to be holding that diploma.

If you could have anything you wanted, what would you choose?

So I offered her a gift of accomplishment. She could have whatever it was that she alone desired. Not for the baby, not for her husband, not for her family, but something she alone desired. She took a week to decide that she wanted a tattoo. Not one but two. She came to me and said, "Momma, we have been through hell and back together, and I want something to commemorate that we are back - together - and we are good - together."

"Through hell and back" - the design.

I told her design them, make them tasteful and not to large. Remember I told her I am a teacher. Tasteful. And she did. Mine is a heart with wings and a halo. Her's is a heart with flames. She calls the two of them as a set "Through Hell And Back" I wear my permanent reminder of the love we share on my left hand. I will carry it there through eternity - proudly.

The meat of the question I posed.

So I have had this tattoo for over 2 school seasons. This year before I get children in my classroom, a parent calls my Education Supervisor. Tells her that she doesn't want her child in my class because I have this "inappropriate" tattoo on my hand. ED Super asks parent what it about this tattoo that is so inappropriate.

Parent responds with - "It's a female vagina!" (Duh! Is there any other kind?)

I drove to parents home to show her my tattoo up close and personal.

So the question I pose to you, to everyone out in this blogisphere, is quite simple -

Does it look like a vagina to you?

love me later ~ tj

I saw a skeleton and then I started to cry.

The lady poured some kind of sticky syrup all over her belly.

Daughter: "It's Coooold".

Lady: "Sorry".

Me: "Sit still so she can get on with the show".

Daughter: "BUT IT'S COLD!"

Brody: "oohmagaayeda"

The lady powered up the machine.

Me: "I can't stand this".

Daughter: "Me either, it's still cooooold and sorta goopy feeling".

Me: "Becca, Please sit still so she can get on with the show"

Me: "Brody honey, don't eat that cord".

Me "Not that one either".

Me: Handing him a cracker "Eat this".

Brody: "oohmagaayeda".

The lady poised the handle over her belly.

Me: "Oh my lord I can't take it any longer, can you tell yet?"

Lady: "No".

Me: "WILL YOU PLEASE sit still so she can get on with the show"

Daughter: "Why exactly did I bring you here mommy?"

Me: "So you wouldn't have to walk".

Daughter: "Well there is that".

Daughter: "Yow, jeez I need to pee".

Brody: "PeePeePeePeePeePeePeePeePee".

Me: "Jeez Becca, now look what you taught him to say".

The lady flicked on the screen.

Daughter: "There now you happy mommy?"

Me: "No, can she tell me yet?"

Lady: "No".

Me "Oh Sweet Jesus, Is That Her Heart??"

Lady: "You want it to be a girl?"

Me: "Hell Yeah".

Brody: "hellhellhellhellhellHELLhellhell".

Daughter: "Jeez Mommy, now look what you taught him to say".

A recognizable body part came onto the screen.

Not a sound in the room. Then ...

Daughter: "Oh, my gosh".

Me: "Oh my gosh".

Lady: "It's pretty amazing isn't it?"

Brody: "Gossgossgossgossgossgossgoss".

Then ...

Me: "It's her face! Ohhhhhh loooooooook!"

Daughter: "It looks like you mommy".

Me: Through tears and snuffles, "It looks like a skull".

Lady: "It is, I need measurements".

Me: "Can you look for the rumpus?"

Lady: "We have a long time, I need a lot of measurements".

Lady: "What's a rumpus?"

Me: "It's her butt".

Brody: "buttbuttbuttbuttbuttbuttbuttbutt".

Daughter: "MOMMY!"

What seemed like an eternity later....

Me: "Boog, please eat the crackers, not the couch cushion, couches are for sitting not eating".

Brody: "Numnumnumnumnumnum".

Daughter: "You said the E-A-T word".

Me: "Brody lets look at the baby".

Brody: "BaybeeBaybeeBaybeeBaybee".

Lady: "Okay here's what you came to see Grandma".

The tiniest of full moons came into view. I stared in wonderment and awe. There are no words I can say that puts into perspective what I saw last Wednesday. She is most defiantly a she. I saw it myself through the miracle of science and technology, I was able to look inside my daughter's womb and see my tiny granddaughter. I saw her little heart, and cried when the Lady turned on the sound. I saw a perfect little foot come into view. Ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. A button nose. A mouth that sucks a thumb. She is in every way perfect and healthy, with the Lady's disclaimer, "We can't see all birth defects, but from everything gathered she appears right on schedule". I won't be able to hold her for another 4 months. The Lady took a photo of her for us. The photo depicts a golden dolls face. A three dimensional eerily beautiful photo of my unborn granddaughter. She is perfect. My daughter's tiny little daughter.

Cloey Jo.

and I smile through tears of joy and awe and relief.....

love me later ~ tj

June 10, 2007 "FREE Fish Saturday"

 

I am getting engaged!

I had gotten some gear at the local Wal-Mart a few days ago. I had asked a really cute grampa looking guy who I "bumped into" in the main fishing pole isle if he knew what I needed, and he being kind, (Did I mention he was cute?) took me all over the sporting goods department, pulling things off the hooks. I was watching how his hands grasped the things I would eventually buy. I watched his mouth moving, talking about hooks with a release capability but hearing him tell me about how he wanted to take me away from my drudgery, he was going to make me his date to the grandest gala we have seen in these parts, as his white horse high steps up to my house his carriage would hold gifts befitting a Queen, that I would be his girlfriend but only until he could find the ring befitting me, that the babies we would never have would be fun to try to make.... He found a baby pole that would fit my grandson. I wondered if My New Prince In Shining Armor had any grandchildren, when around the corner came a voice. "Honey, are you here?" A woman who wore a matching shirt as my new boyfriends walked into view. "There you are! I have been looking everywhere for you!" Smoochy kissy . Reckless, impetuous two timer! I thanked my ex-boyfriend for all the help and headed off to the check out counters with a shopping cart full of stuff I was certain I didn't need. A backpack with pole and tackle box and sunglasses? A life vest, hooks that magically released the fish unharmed once you caught them??? Lines, bobbers, weights??? All to take a one year old fishing on a free fish Saturday? FREE???

I was sentenced to 45 days.

I arrived at 9:30, only a half hour late today. Not bad! I was taking him to a kiddy fishing competition. His daddy cut his hair in a grossly unconventional way, and today his mommy had spiked it up. I saw my sweet Boog with this wild hair, and I laughed at his parents. Why they think they need to do this to him is way beyond me. To stand out? He already does. People come from far and near to see the most beautiful child ever born, and of course he is my grandson. They comment on how cute, sweet, adorable.... he is when we go out. People part ways to let this child walk through their midst... They don't need the mohawk. I wonder if I can go to jail for a visit to the barber shop? Hmmm "You malicious grandmother, you are hereby sentenced to do 45 days behind bars." I think I could handle 3 days worth and then I'd cry my way out.

She complained that he's the only one in a life vest, then the goose showed up.

Stuff was gathered and stowed in the truck. His Nana came out of the house to tell me that he ate first breakfast, and second breakfast, but 11'zies were fast approaching as she handed me a bag of snacks. Okay, so I took her snacks and didn't mention that I had not forgotten about feeding the kiddo. Hot dog lunched at the lodge were reserved for us. I just laughed and took the bag. We arrived at the rearing ponds, registered amongst the ooos and aaaahs as the Little Prince smiled and waved to everyone. Our lunch tickets stowed we were off to catch the biggest fish in the ponds! His daddy said he found the spot. He'd meet us there. His mommy was walking a stroller filled with the essentials becoming a Little Prince. I was holding his hand as he learned to walk in his life vest. He was top heavy-er and needed to find a new center of balance. Then my daughter spoke to me.

Daughter: "He is the only kid in a life vest".

Me: "They don't care if their kids fall into the ponds and drown. Remember we have the Little Prince here, we need to protect him".

Daughter: "But everyone is looking at him!"

Me: "They are looking at the goofy hair on the imperial child."

Daughter: "I'm going to walk ahead and catch up to his daddy".

Me: "Cya!"

That's when Boog spotted the Canadian geese with their broods. I hunkered down, (That doesn't present a pretty image. Let me try again ... I squatted next to him...I hovered around him....I gently placed my arm around him as I brought myself to his level ...okay you get it) next to him and held him close so he could see. The goose hissed, Brody laughed. The goose stepped closer, we stepped back. I averted Brody's attention and we walked on. I glanced, and I mean glanced away, and when I look back at The Little Guy, his arms were outstretched and he was toddle-running toward the geese! I snatched him up by the handle on his life vest so fast and swung him away from that mother goose. The life vest not only saved him from harm, but also saved the horrid scarring of a childhood. Imagine being attacked by Mother Goose. Intense therapy for years to overcome something like that!

I learn sportsman lingo.

His daddy had everything ready for us. I was grateful for the tryst in the sporting goods department at Wal-Mart with my two timing boyfriend. Looked like we did indeed need all that stuff. I sat down with Brody on the bank, he was thrilled with this new toy in his hands. He yanked at the string...line in fishy lingo. He didn't like the worms, er ... bait. I tossed out...cast the line. I gave the pole ...rod and reel to Brody. He held on like a pro. Until the fish took the bait. The pole flew out of his hands. I stepped on it, and held on. The fish didn't want to come out and play. It struggled. I shouted to his daddy, "We got a whopper here!" I put Brody's hand on the turner thing ... umm reel. It took both of us to reel that fish in. His mommy got the net. We did it! Brody caught the winning fish! We were certain that this fishing expedition would bring a shower of praise and prize. Brody was repulsed by the fish. He tentatively touched it. It hung on the line languorously. Then with it's will to survive, it started flopping. One jerk at first, then the momentum gained. It thrashed about. Brody cried. Then the momentum gained. He was screeching. We unleashed to fish from the hook. It floundered in the net. Brody held onto the net watching the fish as we walked to the measurement stand. The official measurement of the Little Prince's first catch? 3 and 3/4 inches long. We walked back to the pond and Brody waved bye-bye to the fish as we were glad that I listened to my ex-boyfriend's advice on catch-and-release hooks. Free to grow some more in the deep blue sea, that first fish is but a memory. A sweet, funny memory.

Section 25B paragraph 14 of the Grandmother's Manual

We fished around awhile longer and then the 11:30'zies came. Lunch. NOW. We walked up to the lodge and stood in line. "4 lunches please". We gathered the food, condiments, chips, and drink and sat at a huge round table. No highchairs in site. Brody sat between his mommy and me in a regular chair, one highly unbecoming to the bearing of The Little Prince. He didn't care. FOOD! NOW! His mommy ketchuped the hot dog. Then she handed it to him. Whole. Now I know a few things about hot dogs and kids. They love 'em. They choke to death on 'em. I let Brody get ketchupy and while he was busy with his tasty fingers, I ripped up the hot dog. Small bites. One at a time. His mommy spoke to me.

Daughter: "I know how to feed him MOM".

Me: "It's a wonder he'a survived it".

Daughter: "He does fine feeding himself".

Me: "You just said you know how to feed him".

Daughter: "He manages a hot dog fine. He has all his teeth, he can chew it up".

Me: "That;s fine with oatmeal and spaghetti, but not with hot dogs".

Daughter: "What's the big deal about hot dogs? He loves 'em".

Me: "Here, look at this". I passed my American Red Cross Grandmother's Training Manual to her.

Daughter: Rolls her eyes.

Me: "Read that passage" Pointing to Section 25B paragraph 14.

Daughter: "MOTHER!"

Me: "Fine, I'll read it to you, It states and I quote, "Daughter's should listen to their mother's sage advice when it comes to feeding a toddler hot dogs. Grandmother's know the dangers of this innocent food stuff that toddlers love to consume. Choking hazard of a hot dog on the choking scale - EXTREME - Take appropriate caution."

Daughter: "UGH!"

We looked at Brody, all happy with red sweet ketchup on every exposed piece of him, his hot dog eaten and starting on his chips. I started to open my American Red Cross Grandmother's Training Manual to the Chip section when my daughter walked away.

Ed McMahon Says $1,000,000.00 Could Be Yours!

I wouldn't trade this FREE fishing Saturday for a million bucks. Brody was so funny. My daughter and my son-in-law loving each other and loving their son. Brody riding high on his daddy's shoulders. Watching my daughter watch them with love and pride. The giggles and the laughter. The quirky banter that belongs to my daughter and me. I dropped them off at 2:30. I left them at Nana's house where they live. I kissed the sleeping Prince on his forehead and got in the truck. It's no wonder people come from far and near to catch a glimpse of him. He radiates a light that shines on my heart.

and I smile ...

love me later ... tj

A Day Spent With Booger

A Day Spent With Booger

Spaghetti eaten with

Sandy fingers and

Wet toes

Toys pushed on

Chubby dimpled legs that

Run down the sidewalk as

YaYa gives chase

Beautiful smiles and

Squealed giggles are heard through

Perfect ears that mosquitos bite

Sleepy yawns make heavy

Eyes as the

Swing moves back and forth and

Back and forth and

Back and forth

Good night my sweet

A Day Spent with Booger©tjs5/29/07

and I am smiling...

love me later~tj