I am left in a void that is threatening to swallow me whole.....

My Ma.

She didn't want me. That's how I started out in this life. Daddy wanted me. Ma was 22 and already tired from raising those boys. Another child was the last thing she needed she told my daddy, but he wanted to try for a girl, a princess for him. And so I was conceived. She told me this story that always ended with this line, "I wouldn't have given up on you the second I laid my eyes on you". She has spent her life never given up on me. Clumsy as I have been throughout this life, Ma was the one who always steadied me. She'd pick me up dust me off and set me straight again.

She has been my most influential teacher. She has taught me everything I ever needed to know about life. Her pride in the little things in life gave me a good understanding of what is important enough to strive for to be a success. She counted her riches in the sticky little kisses her great grands left of her cheeks. She counted her assets in the crystalline sounds of laughter coming from her children. The treasure box of her life was filled with the her grandchildren's accomplishments.  

Family was the backbone of her life. She lived that, and showed me how to as well. Family gatherings every Easter, babies and old folks, always welcomed. During these times you could not walk through Ma's house at night without tripping on someone. People laid out sleeping in every room, on every floor. Love and laughter and gatherings were my Ma's gift.

She stood next to me when my children, Scott and Becky were born. She stood next to me years later when my grandchildren Brody, Cloey and Daisy were born. She is the foundation of my family. As we grew older the bond between us strengthened. I held no secrets from my momma to her chagrin, and still, she remained my biggest and most loyal fan.

 

My momma was so much more to me than a parent. She was my best friend, my travel buddy, my partner in crime. She was my confidant, and my rock. She may not have been an obvious hero, but to me she was. I have no idea what my life is going to look like without her in it. I wonder if she knows how afraid I am, in this world without her, alone with a vast emptiness growing inside of me.

 

Ma was 77 in November. Her spirit and tenacity has served her well throughout every one of those years. My momma was quirky, adorable, endearing, fun and beautiful. I am the luckiest woman in the world, because I get to say that I am Shirley Butcher's daughter.

 

I love you momma.

Till we meet again.