Rocket Scientists, Needle-Nosed Pliers And Krispy Kreme Donuts

Rocket Scientists, Needle-Nosed Pliers And Krispy Kreme Donuts.

I have a really big gripe I need to squelch....

Pulling a soap box over and stepping up on it....

Getting out a megaphone...

Clearing my throat....

Oh, wait, I need to tell y'all this first ....

(Stepping down from the soap box, putting away the megaphone, getting a cup of coffee...)

I was in the Wal-Mart the other day, buying an innocuous pair of needle-nosed pliers. The reason I was in the Wal-Mart on this day buying such a foreign object to me was ....

Happy Birthday Daddy, we are so sorry for the awful gift.

Skip back two days and I was helping my dad take off the top from the bed of his truck. They were going to a my baby cousins wedding up north and my cousin's husband (one of my favorite sorta related people) was borrowing my daddy's bush-hog machine. It is a rather unwieldy device so the cover had to come off. A few years back all us kids pitched in and bought my daddy what we thought was the best soft top on the market for his birthday. What we didn't know is that you needed to hold stock in Craftsmen Tool Company and have a rocket scientist nearby every time the thing comes off or goes on. Well there we were with our arm sleeves rolled up, prayers and motivational chants said, we were ready!

Daddy: "Hold this while I find the wrench to go on that bolt".

Me: "Hold what?"

Daddy: "That piston."

Me shaking my head as I walk toward the hood of the truck wondering what in the world ...

NEWSFLASH! ... The Detroit Pistons Visit Itty Bitty Cow Town.

Daddy: "Where are you going? Hold that piston."

Me: "Daddy, aren't pistons under the hood?"

Daddy: "Yes they are under the hood, in Detroit playing basketball, and right here, it's that black and silver thingy that looks like a door holder thingamabob".

Me suddenly knowing exactly what he is talking about:"Oh, well why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

I held it while he fussed, and complained, and cursed. Finally he got a turn on the nut. Then on to the other side. Then back again to loosen the nut that sits inside the nut, except ...

Daddy: "SHIRL!!"

Mom: "What I'm right here, no need to yell, I been standing here being very amused watching you two buffoons and your ridiculous antics".

Daddy: "I need the needle-nose pliers."

Supernatural Ability? Or 50+ Years Of Marriage?

Mom spooking me with her ability to instinctually know what daddy was going to say, whips out not only one pair, but two, thin and a tad thinner and she flashes him a Cheshire Cat grin. Daddy makes this hurumhing noise and turns around to get back at the job at hand. 15 minutes and gallons of sweat later the nut budges.

Daddy: "SHIRL!!"

Mom: "Still right here".

Daddy: "Don't we have any better needle-nose pliers than these? These are for shit."

Mom: "Nope, that's it. I told you the last time we did this we needed a new pair, remember, you were cussing and I said, "We need to get a better pair of these" you agreed that the next time we went to Wal-Mart we'd get us a good pair, remember? Well we've been to Wal-Mart at least a million times since then and ....."

Dad makes a hurumhing noise and turns around abruptly to move that wretched nut. (Was it my mom's motivational speech that gave him the strength to loosen it?) Finally after a half hour of holding this, and loosening that, WD40-ing those, turning that, and twisting those...the top was off.

Here's to making a short story long.

So now you know why I was in the Wal-Mart looking for a good pair of needle-nosed pliers.

Now back to my really big gripe that needs squelching....

Pulling the soap box back over and stepping up on it....

Getting out the megaphone...

Clearing my throat....

and I am smiling...

love me later ~ tj