Turn and face the strange, changes....
They are coming at me. So many changes all at once. But, I feel good, no I feel great, about them. I find myself in unfamiliar territory feeling so good about change. I have never embraced it. Once my furniture is placed, it never gets rearranged by me. Change scares me. It makes me feel out of control of the situation, which in turn makes me feel that I am losing the inner control of me. I have made changes and am EMBRACING them. {I feel wistful at the change in one relationship, but am looking forward to the day that he can accept me as a friend, for I really like him, am truly miss his presence in my life}. Beyond that I have made other changes, big changes, that are shocking the hell outta me. I feel for the first time since I left my ex-husband that my life is in alignment. I have control (I taken back control). I have no desire to let things happen as they may. I know what I want and I will direct my actions to obtain those things. I thought I wanted quiet solitude, and three weeks ago, I did. What I needed was a reevaluation. So I did. And damn I have direction and that one thing I lacked lately, self-esteem to make it happen. I have discovered that I am worthy of being treated well. No one should take advantage, but I was at fault for allowing it to happen. My adult children are moving out of my house on July 10. Thier apartment is ready for them on that day and they are beginning to pack. With them they take my precious boog, but oddly I am not only accepting that my baby daughter is leaving me and taking her baby to live with her husband, I am embracing , and am excited by it and look so forward to July 11.
My daddy made it. He is alive and well and will celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary with my sweet mother, in just 2 short weeks. The family is gathering in mass to celebrate the day. I have family coming in from Delaware, Virginia, California, Florida, Ohio and more. There are people I grew up with that I haven’t seen in 25 years coming to celebrate. I’m excited and awed for and by these two people I am proud to call my parents. The one constant that they carry through the years is the love they have for one another. Love so abundant that it flows to all they know.
After the celebration, I am taking my house seriously. I have a list of the things I can do for it and will get them done one by one. I am learning to ride my Honda. I might actually get it out of the parking lot and take it out on the road before summer ends.
I am smiling.
love me later~tj
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